Senses
by B'Elanna Paris
Summary: Post- TT. Syd & Vaughn. Sydney has moved on. R & R


Title: 'Senses'

Author: B'Elanna Paris

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: Alias and its characters belong ABC etc.

Summary: Post- 'THE TELLING'. Sydney moved away from Los Angeles, her main reason being Vaughn. 1/1

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The five senses are a wonderful thing. They let you see the most beautiful and spectacular things, taste the most delicious foods, hear the loveliest sounds, smell the sweetest things and feel the best textures. I wish I didn't have them as they serve as a reminder of what I have lost.

Everyday at the office, there are several male workers on my floor that wear his aftershave. The first time I smelt it here was when I entered the elevator and I thought that he was in the building, it was so distinctive to him.

It is not so much the sound of his voice, but it is the things that he use to say. On the television late night, someone used one of his phrases that he use to say to me, 'You're so beautiful'. It brought back a flood of memories that I do not welcome anymore. They all serve as I reminder.

I have been out with other men since.... but whenever we touch, it just does not feel right, no spark. Their touch does not set my skin on fire, nor does it send ripples of pleasure and ecstasy through my body. Their touch is not one that can move mountains or cause the earth to move, their touches barely even register.

Green. Everything green reminds me of his eyes. The green grass, the green leaves on the trees, it all reminds me of the green of his lovely eyes. The suits he use to wear, I see the men in the office wearing similar suits but they do not compare to him, they all fade in comparison. His smile could make me forget everything I was doing.

Delicious. One word to describe him. His taste so unique to him. I forgot his taste a long time ago, I on occasion try to remember but my attempts are futile. Although, I am sure if I ever did taste him again I would know, the moment his lips touched mine.

My senses deceive me nearly everyday; they tell he is there. For a moment I want to believe them, for moment I do believe them. I believe that he is here with me and always has been and always will be. I believe that nothing ever came between us, that nothing ever parted us. The moment passes and I know he is not really there, sometimes I continue to believe for a second, to believe he has come for me, to take me away from this self enforced hell. But I am never that lucky.

I am not sure how long I have been standing here at the Slush-O machine, but all my five senses are deceiving me again they have to be. The smell is his, the voice is his, no one else makes my skin feel like this without touching me, those green eyes are his and I can taste him from here.

I am standing here staring at this man, it can't be him. He is looking straight at me, like his world has stopped. I try to move but I am rooted to the spot, this was never meant to happen, I was never meant to see him again, I had my dreams for that.

Green eyes meeting brown. My senses haven't deceived me, they have just brought me the one person, I have feared to see again, I have loved to see again. The one person whom however much i tried I could never seen to forget.

"Sydney?" _Walk away, walk away._

The moment my name escaped from his lips, my legs began to work. I put down my Slush-O and headed out of the store towards my car. I use all my will power not glance back, knowing that if I do I will not be able to stop myself walking back into his life.

In my mind, I keep chanting walk away, keep walking away because in the end it will keep me sane, keep me from seeing what I have lost, what was taken from me.

I near my car, just as I take the keys out of my pocket, he grabs my arm. His touch feels like fire on my arm, hot, burning my skin. It sends a feeling, I have not felt for so long throughout my body, awakening every part of me.

"Sydney?" He says again.

"You're not suppose to be here." I manage to say.

He pulls me around to face him, green meeting brown. I am surprised by the hurt and augish in his eyes, my eyes cloud over with tears.

"I...I" he stutters, not able to find the words.

I watch him trying to find the words, the look on his face will haunt me forever, it just breaks my heart all over again. Breaking free from his grip, I get into my car closing the door locking it. I start the car, but I do not drive off, I keep looking straight ahead. I know he is standing next to the window.

A minute passes and he begins knocking on the window. That is when I see it, that small piece of gold, wrapped around his finger, that piece of gold that made me eventually come to live my life out here, which destroyed my life or the part of it that was still able to love.

The tears begin to roll down my face, but I quickly wipe them away, knowing that I cannot let anyone see that he still affects me this way.

The knocking on the window subsides, he places one of his hand flat on the window as he crotches down to look at me. For a moment he just stares at me, and then the evitable, "Sydney?"

I wind the window down, I keep looking forward never meeting his gaze.

"You'll understand why I am just going to drive off now."

I am about to put my foot on the accelerator when I he speaks, "Why?"

"Why?" I repeat, "Because it is easier... it will be easier in the end."

And with that I slowly began to pull out of the parking space, he stood up and moved slightly away from the car. I left the car park, not even checking the rear view mirror, because it will be easier this way.

THE END


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